Brandon Vaughn.

Well done, internet.  Eat some carrot cake and take a nap.  You’ve earned it.

batmanrunningawayfromshit:

Anyone who has had sex with Adrian Paul and/or any cast member from “Highlander: The Series” please contact me immediately

A cast member from LOST follows me on Twitter so what’s your problem. YOU THINK YR BETTER’N MEH!?!

Grant Pardee made a sketch that’s on the front page of Rooftop Comedy that has my face in it.  Go vote good things for it and support everything that happens in the lives of Grant Pardee and Ron Babcock.

I’m on this sick new diet where I only eat giant turkey legs at Rennaissance Fairs.

joshandrosky:

dandringle:

You do the same thing every Sunday.

You grab your wallet and your keys and kiss your wife and tell her you’re going to Staples for office supplies.  

You aren’t lying.  

You have every intention of going.  

You need to buy a bulletin board, one of those fancy ones that are half natural cork surface and half dry-erase board.  

You think this will fix everything.  If only you could just keep your thoughts organized.  Write them down.  See them laid out.  Be able to take a step back and take a look at your goals to see them as a series of small, manageable tasks.  Right now it all seems too much.  

You feel more uncomfortable in your own skin than a Puerto Rican does at a job interview.  

You drive past Staples without even realizing it, but when you do, you keep going.

You drive and drive measuring time by the sips you take of that Templeton Rye whiskey-filled stoneware coffee mug your son David got at the Renaissance Fair.

You love your son, David, no matter how many family dinners he’s ruined by talking about dragons.

You pull over and park your Pontiac by the reservoir where all the women go to jog.  

You leave the engine running and tune the stereo to a local AM sports talk radio station and set the volume just soft enough that you can’t make out the words yet just loud enough that you can’t hear your own thoughts.

You unbuckle your pants and pull out your old gross goblin dick and time your strokes to the beat of the runner’s footsteps.  Just as the freckle faced mulatto girl with the dad calves makes her second lap and you come like the mail.  

You clean up the oily dick sick your just disrespected your steering collumn with using a napkin found in a discarded Wendy’s bag from under your passenger seat.  

You treated yourself once tonight.  Why not treat yourself again?  

Treat yourself to Wendy’s new and-cut and panko breaded North Pacific Cod Premium Fish Fillet Sandwich.

You come home.  Your wife asks you why you didn’t get the bulletin board. 

You tell her the one you wanted was out of stock.

You tell her you’ll try again next week.

You do the same thing every Sunday.

 

 

Dan Dringle is the middle of a venn diagram between Don Draper and 9/11. Come see his show at the Improv Lab on Friday.

I’m on the last week’s episode of “The Paul Goebel Show” if you’re into me and the sound of my high pitched cackles.  I enjoy this podcast very much and couldn’t have had a better time.  

I hate this so much.

(Source: fuckyeahdementia)

Tickets are seriously almost sold out.  Be at this or you hate fun and animals can sense that and you won’t get snuggled.

tumblangeles:

Celebrate Cinco de Mayo just like they do down in Mexico… by coming to LOUD NOISES! 

LOUD NOISES! is back and ready to bring you the best night of comedy and music that ever even did was happen this Saturday night, May 5th, Live at The Nerdmelt Theatre.  

Comedians April Richardson (Chelsea Lately), Grant Pardee (SF Sketch Fest) and Eli Braden (The Howard Stern Show) and host, Brandon Vaughn will be there to make you laugh so hard you’ll chip your teeth then we’re proud to present music by The Girls feat. Alison Brie, Cyrina Fiallo and Julianna Gull!

Loud Noises! is a crispy crunchy chimichanga filled with laughter and music and we are now best friends.