Brandon Vaughn.

I live in Los Angeles and attempt comedy things and these is my dumbz.

~ Thursday, March 1 ~

(Source: twitpic.com)

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~ Thursday, February 23 ~

barbaragray:

This is a joke of mine they featured on Huffington Post! They named the other one “Unexpected Diet”. I have a lot of unexpected themed jokes!

courtingcomedy:

Courting Sketchfest: Barbara Gray. Unexpected Love.

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~ Friday, February 17 ~

BOOK REVIEW OF SOMEONE ELSE’S BOOK…REVIEW

ladybroblog:

by Lisa Beth Johnson

The secret to writing a successful book review of someone else’s book is to really come to understand the person reading that book. Last week I reviewed an old man reading a dirty wad of money. For a moment, I climbed into that man’s skin and walked around in his shoes. Afterwards, it felt like I’d contracted scabies and a foot fungus, so this week I’ve decided to review the book of a much cleaner person: my boyfriend.

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~ Wednesday, February 15 ~

You: Hey, Brandon. Do you ever talk about anything else besides the tv show "Justified?"
Me: No and go fuck yourself.
~fin~

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~ Tuesday, February 14 ~

4. Kill yourself.

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dandringle:

Today is Valentine’s Day!

Do you know what that means?

It means that today is your chance to prove to the woman you love how much she means to you and how sorry you are to to prove to her that she can trust you regardless of how much you’ve hurt her in the past. Valentine’s Day is your last chance and it had better be perfect.

Is it going to be enough? It isn’t.

A diamond tennis bracelet won’t make her move forward and act like nothing happened. It did happen. It will have always happened. You don’t get to rewind. You don’t get to erase. You did what you did and she knows.

Is the finest dinner at the fanciest restaurant going to mean much after the maitre ‘d calls her by your whore’s name? Is the foie gras as rich as those lies you’ve forced down her throat? Buttery enough to make her forget how bitter shame tastes? It isn’t.

Is the most expensive wine enough to make up for wasting the time that’s been your life together? Is that expensive Pinot Noir going to give her back the youth you stole? It won’t.

Her humiliation will always be there, like the scar from a skinned knee or the carpet wine stain that won’t come up. Not even with OxiClean.

All the gourmet artisan chocolates in the world won’t fill the whole you’ve left in her heart. No amount of Belgian genache will smooth away all those lines carved in her forehead waiting up for you while you were out all night snorting OxyContin and depositing squirting your disrespect inside the stink trough of one of many anonymous day time Cracker Barrel waitresses.

Or perhaps those chocolates were just meant to fatten her up so you don’t feel guilty admitting she hasn’t made your greasy little pig prick hard since before “Ally McBeal” went off the air.

This Valentine’s Day just sign the divorce papers and move out already. If you ever loved her you would let her move on.

This year, give the most unforgettable woman in your life the most unforgettable Valentine’s Day gift she’ll ever receive and the one thing she wants most of all.

And put a bullet right in your fucking mouth.

This rose is for you.

- Dan Dringle